How I Really Feel
Friday and Saturday were such a blast. A couple of my writing friends, Jay & Eye, and I (hah!) slipped off for an impromptu writing retreat. Eye met me at the office at 3:30 and we took off to spend the night at an Emb@ssy Su1tes. They had some kind of special going on so that, for the three of us it broke down to just $35 a piece. They have free rail drinks at happy hour. I'll pause here, because I know you're shaking your head right now and it's hard to read when you're shaking your head. Ready? 'Kay. So they have free rail drinks at happy hour and I discovered -- after dissing my diet c0ke and rum because I thought, What would do the least damage? Something with diet c0ke, right? But, yuck. So I got over that, and then I discovered that what I really like is gin & tonic. WooHoo!
Luckily, I knew I would be the designated driver later when we went in search of dinner so I only had The One.
But guess how much alcohol it takes to break down my points inhibition? Just guess!!
Yes, that would be: The One.
So there was spinach dip with tortilla chips. There was a big ol' hamburger with fries. There was chocolate. And popcorn. And then it was Saturday and guess what ELSE Emb@ssy Su1tes has for free? Breakfast.
I'll just stop the little food-confessional right there, shall I? Thank you.
I had a blast. Got some writing done -- 8 pages which, for a slow-assed scribbler like me is PHEnomenal. Good company. Good food. Good work. We're definitely going to do THAT again. Awwww yeah.
And so, although today, Sunday, should have been my official weigh-in (for purposes of weightloss blog accountability) I decided to skip it. The last time I wandered off my points-track I decided to skip as much of the guilt & recriminations as I could, as well as the Scalegod. That seemed to work pretty good, as I got right back into my good food rut the very next day.
So I'm trying the same thing this time. Even though, on a scale of off-programness? Where 1 = 2.5 points over and 10 = 65 points over. I'd have to give Friday & Saturday a combined 11.
In spite of that, though, I am applying the same strategy this time. And today? So far, so good.
And now I'd like to talk about how I really feel about weight loss surgery.
The wonderful Christie left a comment on my previous entry saying, "... good to know how you really feel." And that sort of caught me.
Made me go back and re-read what I wrote and ask myself, Hmmm, IS that how I really feel? And I'm happy to be able to say that Yes, that is how I really feel. (As opposed to -- that was how I really felt right then when I was writing the entry; or -- that was how I thought I should really feel. You know what I mean?) So I was relieved to find that it was still true and that this is how I really feel about weight loss surgery.
And so is this, and this, and this, and this, and this.
The thing is, when Em first started looking into weight loss surgery, I didn't know very much about it. I'd certainly thought about it. But the random, wistful thought was as far as that ever got. Now, I've been looking in to it. Hearing about it. Learning about it. I've been to support groups at hospitals for WLS patients -- those who've already had it and those who are seriously considering it.
The results look like magic! The results make me want to camp out on the doctors doorstep until she agrees to give ME the magic surgery, too.
I mean, say there's a woman who weighs over 300 pounds. She's tried everything, diet, exercise, pills, more diets, different exercise, different pills, and she just can't lose weight. Every time she takes some off, she puts it all right back on plus MORE. Now she's in a wheelchair, diabetic, hypertension, etc. So it's her last chance, her last resort. Because nothing else works -- right?
She has the surgery, loses 50 pounds in 3 months and, it's a miracle!
She can walk! Her diabetes is gone! She's off the hypertension meds! She's gearing up for her first 10K!
If that ain't magic, what the fuck is?!!
Only, see, it isn't. The only thing that surgery changed for that woman was how much food her body was getting.
It didn't speed up her criminally slow metabolism. It didn't change her genetic make-up -- taking her from an unfortunate schlub who, like so many of the rest of us, is prone to fat-retention because our mothers and their mothers and their mothers mothers whatevers. The surgery didn't touch that.
She's still got the same metabolism. The same genes. The same thyroid. The same amount of willpower. So how come, all of a sudden she's losing weight?
Because her body isn't getting as much food as it used to. Bottom line.
There's no such thing as someone who can't lose weight.
There are plenty of people who can't stop eating. But there's no such thing as someone who can't lose weight.
That was a really important distinction for me to make. Because, to my mind, it's always been the same thing. I've always said, I can't lose weight. I just can't. I've tried everything, I've tried it ALL, and I can't lose weight.
But investigating WLS surgery has proven to me that that's not true. Because every one of those WLS patients said the Exact Same Thing. Then they got the surgery and they lost weight. Only the surgery didn't change any of the other things that were supposedly keeping them from losing weight. The only thing the surgery changes is the size of your stomach and -- depending on the type of surgery -- the way your body absorbs food. That's it. That's all it changes. And once that changes, you will lose weight.
It really is a choice, as Argyro so wisely pointed out in the comments.
And that's why the surgery works. Because it takes that choice away from you. No more having to police yourself, to keep from eating a whole pizza. You CAN'T eat a whole pizza anymore, not for a million dollars. Not without busting yourself wide open.
Down the road I might make that choice. But right now the only magic I've discovered in investigating WLS is the realization that I can lose weight. I can't lose it as fast as someone with a stomach the size of a shot glass. I can't lose it without making daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes second-ly, better food choices than what I am naturally and emotionally inclined to make. But I can lose weight. Because if I get the surgery, the only thing that's going to change is the amount of food that enters my digestive tract.
And Hell, I can change that without a scalpel.
Plus, if I change it without surgery I can still have weekends like this one every once in a while.
And I really feel like that's a good thing.